If you have gone through my Instagram account, you likely know that I talk about being kind and generous to people, being filled with compassion and ‘vibrating higher’. However, life and emotions are not as simple as we believe they are. Not everything that happens to us is our fault but many times, it is.
Imagine this- if you are walking by the road and doing nothing but obeying the traffic rules, what are your chances of slamming into a car and breaking your bones? The chances are slim, of course. There can be someone who last lost control of their vehicle, by their fault or not, who just rammed their car into the sidewalk and ended up hurting themselves and you. But how slim are the chances really? Very, very slim.
Recently, a user asked why people who seek compassion are always rejected by others. The question sounded very complex. After all, you need to know who is the person who seeks compassion and why? What makes someone seek compassion from others or believe that they will be gladly accepted into other person’s life? Do we all secretly believe that there is someone out there who will love us unconditionally and we will get a chance to act like little demanding babies who need lots of love, protection and care?
My musings on this issue can go on forever. Let’s learn what the user had to ask about compassion. Here is the complete question.
The compassion question
Why is it that those who seek kindness and compassion but are rejected continuously and shunned deem it necessary to cause misery to other people?
There is something about human vision that makes us feel that the grass is always greener on the other side. When the user asked this question, some people responded by saying that there is no cause and effect here. One person also suggested that the question is the answer. After all, if someone is continuously rejected by people, why will that person want to feel compassionate? What is it that fills his soul with kindness and compassion and why does he even bother to think about people?
The perspective is not wrong but what I experienced was something different.
‘I didn’t get it, so nobody should get it’
I will brief my experience here. I know two people, a boy and a girl, who are always looking for kindness and compassion from others. Both come from unhappy families and feel unloved in their respective homes. They are quite insecure with their looks and try to look better by letting other people down. They also want everybody’s attention. They even appear very friendly and helpful to get this attention and become messiahs to people.
No matter what mild misery they cause to people, they want to be loved and respected. Soon people realize that they are not be given what they demand. As soon as they are rejected, they start causing troubles in other people’s lives. I have not anyone who really lasts with them for long. Even their oldest friends have left them behind because of their nature.
The funny part is that they believe they deserve respect, kindness and compassion and often think that people are jealous of them. The moment you show them a little kindness, they will leave all the misery behind and come back to you like little puppies who had lost their way home.
It is a cycle you know. If you want compassion from people, you have to be able to give back compassion. If you don’t want to be judged, you have to stop judging people too. If you consistently hold on your negative traits and expect people to supply you with positivity, becoming parasites on their mental well-being, you will be shunned by all.
I have not known people who are consistently rejected in life. We all find people we vibe with sooner or later. However, there is a specific kind of people who are miserable inside and they will never really be happy or let people around them stay happy.
What roles do negative emotions play?
Everyone has gone through rejection in life and it doesn’t feel great at all. We often end up piling negative emotions, believing that someone or something will help us recover. With time, almost any feeling or emotion will fade. However, we hold tight on to hurt and wait for a messiah. We look for the messiah everywhere but no flawed human is good enough to be the GOD for someone. What happens? A small thing that doesn’t match with our idea of a messiah makes us fall away and we believe that rejection is inevitable. So we run away.
There are different ways of looking at the same problem and honestly, nothing really works out in the end. You will be hurt, you will be rejected. But, mind you, you will also be loved and accepted. Are you ready to accept and love people with all the flaws they have, just like you want to be loved?
You can read the entire post as well as other answers to the question here.