There can be nothing worse than this to be honest. When you love from a distance, you really feel too sad to be happy. You never know what they are feeling and when the pain strikes. Then there are moments when communication is needed, not necessarily performed. It can be any relationship in your life. When the one you love is not around, it seems like the world would crash any day and they will be found dead. Yes, fear is the most integral part of the long distance love.
The fear of loss is primary here. It could be loss due to cheating or ill health or pretty much anything. Fear rules the brain. You stay glued to your TV if your hear of a mishap in that part of the world and wish to be on call all through the day, just to ensure that they are safe. You feel bad when they are happy as you cant be a part of it at all. You don’t understand their friends and their ways. You don’t even get to know how they are enjoying themselves. Is it twisted masochism?
Then they are sad and you get sadder. Reason? You know you cannot be there to console that broken heart. They might not be well and living alone. Maybe they are missing you. Maybe you are willing to be with them. But, not all circumstances are to won over. You cannot find a way. You cannot simply leave everything behind and risk it all. Its not because you don’t love them, its just because the time is not right or maybe we are as ill as you but we don’t show that. Our voices appear too happy to talk to you, our hearts feel so bad for not being able to see those expressions on your face.
I am trying to figure out how bad could it feel to be alone when everyone else is with the one they love. Being single is another thing. You know you can hit on anybody around but when you are attached, it all seems useless. You want to feel togetherness and love. So you pick up your phone or call them to have a small chat and to feel you are not alone.Alas! they are busy with something so important that sparing a minute would not be possible. Maybe you are a little more cautious and you drop a text to check whether they are free for a chat. They might be too tired after a long day at work and slept as soon as they entered their house. Either way, your happiness vanishes in a moment and again a fear creeps in. Are they okay? Are they with someone else? etc…. etc… etc….
Life goes on somehow and both the people are left with nothing but emptiness. They would either spend their time fighting or being quite, as they usually are. There is nothing to talk about, nothing mutual to discuss, no hands to hold, no arms for comfort. Nothing at all. Still, there is lingering hope that you will be together someday and things would get better when you see their face.
It might seem to be a distant dream but you expect it to come true. Again, the fear about loving from a distance creeps in. Will they really love the moment as much as you do? You were not there when they needed you and now when the storm is over, the poor soul comes back to have a good time… what irony is that?
What I was more concerned about was the fact that fear is not supposed to exist in such a high measure where love is already present. Fear must go and more love must come. But it only happens when some words, feelings and emotions come back. When I can be silent for your sake, why can you not speak up for me? Questions, they make you go mad at times. There can simply not be a way in which problems can be handled. Maybe, playing the lone ranger is good or maybe your friends and lover(s) must reside in your city itself.