In the middle of discussing the symptoms of PCOS, here i am with something that does not really deal with a symptom. It deals with the results of these symptoms. The trauma of not being able to define a persona and the emotional wrath that PCOS associates itself with.
It is very hard at times not to confirm to the beauty ideals of the society. Yeah you try to feel confident and tell yourself that you are great, but for how long? One day, probably in the middle of your cycle when PMS is more than ready to set in, you suddenly want to look at yourself in the mirror and then think why you don’t look like one of the girls on TV or your best friend?
I have always been saying this and i will repeat, we are a visual society. We take things at face value. In a case when you are more offended that not to call yourself a moon face or pay attention to those little strands of hair growing all over your chin and on the upper lips, it is very difficult to be able to tell, what face value a woman suffering from PCOS holds?
It is not a dosage of discouragement. It is simply what the prolonged struggle in the daily life sometimes ends up in. It is disappointment, frustration and yes i am fairly frustrated while i write this. I am sharing what we all feel at some point in the PCOS journey. I am trying to talk about what the ‘sophisticated’ PCOS forums and PCOS do not talk about. Lets face it, it is pathetic to be in a situation like this and we want to get over this.
In my case, it is not just PCOS running havoc in my life. There are many many other unrealized dreams and decisions and situations that are building up an air of anger, almost a rage. What am i doing? Nothing. Sharing it with a few strangers over the internet, who i believe are going through the same.
It is almost devastating to feminine pride when you have an hourglass structure, but you cannot fit in to the clothes of your choice. Reason? Well, the shape might be too wonderful, but the size cracks the deal. It is almost a tasking thing to believe that you have legs hairier than your best friend. It is scary to believe that no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, it seems almost impossible to lose the flab and look fit. It is scary to count days in your cycle and all that drama associated with it.
It is scary…
For how long will this continue? For how long will mirrors and camera lenses be a nightmare? When will it get back to normal? It does not let you function normally. As far as i have read and experienced emotionally tasking events are crucial for anyone who suffers from PCOS. Being happy or sad to the extremes works like magic(black or white). So you are stuck in a vicious circle, you are sad, you suffer, your suffering make you more miserable, you suffer more and so on… add to it some rage, some dissatisfaction with personal life and there you are…
Have i written enough about this? Maybe. This post was just emotionally charged. Will come back with something more sane and rational next time.