i am sinking…. m coming under heavy depression. evrythng irritates me. i feel like cryin. m very angry rite nw. n i feel i shud hit sumbody. bt i cnt do dat. so all dat i do is sit n write dis. m losing strength. i am left vid no energy. there is only one vent for my anger and that is tears. bt i cannot cry. m too tired to cry. so i am lukin for a reason dat would make me cry. what is wrong vid me? it had vanished long ago. thn why does it come back to haunt me.
i have made myself understand dat i cannot be perfect. i am a changed person now. earlier i used to fight for marks, for positions, for authority n for applaud. now i have made myself understand dat thy r nt the primary objectives of my life. i m made for somethng else. but what? well i dnt seem to knw dat. m controllin my tears. for a few moments thy step back. bt thn come back with double the force…… bt what shud i cry upon?? for frnds who betray me or for ppl who r jealous of me? i feel i am worthless. i am a useless human being. i shud rather be killed. hey i cannot feel ,myself.
the prblm vid me is dat i am aware of my prblm, bt not the root cause of it. what is dat thng dat bothers me. that lingers in my mind and doesnt lemme rest. i wanna do somethng to me. i am sexually abusing myself. i need a calming gesture. i need a special person in my life who can come n tell me dat he loves me and dat he would always be there for me, no matter how bad the world is…. m still irritated….. i feel like throwin my lappy on the floor… i feel like destroyin the last bit of strngth in me ….. i wanna kill myself… i need a change… i shudnt be alone.
i knw all dat i have to do to fite vid dese moodswings. i apply every measure posible. bt in the end…… it doesnt really work…. what shall i do…. can anyone help me…. plz help me or i ll die… plz help…. plz…..